I am heading into the last week of finals for this quarter’s Medical Assisting classes, and today was the first day in a while I got to sleep in as late as I want. I had the following dream (much, much edited… if I included all the details, it would bore the living daylights out of you, even as it fascinated me):

I dreamed I was stuck in a world much like our own, but it wasn’t the same, and I wanted to get back home. Occasionally random people would appear in this alternate world, like I had, disorientated and not knowing how they arrived. The people who lived in this alternate world had eventually accepted the appearances as ordinary, as they had been happening for a long time. After my arrival, I had begun to make friends, but I was still a strange outsider (I couldn’t stop talking about all the things I remembered from home, or all the things that surprised me in their world), and I was very lonely.

This world was governed by a distinguished couple, a beautiful man and woman in their 40s, maybe a King and a Queen. They were always accompanied by two albino twins, conjoined at the neck, also male and female. The twins were young, about 6 years old, and they always gazed on the King and Queen with these beatific, loving, innocent child smiles. Those little twins scared some of the residents. I found out that the twins had actually given birth to the man and the woman, but no one would tell me how. The twins never spoke.

In their world, they were under a sort of martial law, and I was drafted to help protect some assets. I was trying hard to keep up with everyone, running drills, lifting things, following orders, but I kept falling behind, and desperately wanted to be back in my own world where I belonged and I was good at something.

I talked to the King and the Queen, and they told me in secret that there actually was a way to get back home, but few people undertook the journey and succeeded. What I would have to do was follow a road, made of yellow brick, for a long, long time, until I reached…

At this point, I interrupted them excitedly. “Wait– I will travel on this yellow brick road for a long time, and eventually reach a big city, where a special man with great powers lives, who can tell me how to get back home?” They were stunned, and I told them that in the world where I came from, there was a legend about this man– and it turns out he is a fake. I told them the story of the Wizard of Oz, and all the dangers that the characters in the story experienced, and then when I reached the end of the story– the part where it turns out that the characters really did get the things they were looking for, I burst into tears. I realized that I might never get home, but I would still probably learn valuable things alone the journey.

There the real plot of the dream ended, with some bizarre arguments between real-life characters, overflowing toilets, and strange animals– the standard– and I woke up at 2pm with a migraine.

The feeling that stuck with me the most was the astonishment I felt when I realized that a fiction in my world was a complete, serious reality in theirs– And the sadness I felt when I realized I may never make it home, but still had to make good with the lessons I learned on the journey.

Embroidered butterflies, Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Chinese Garden, Vancouver, BC, 2006

(because I never post strange things otherwise)

here is a poem I wrote last week. It is called “Cork”.

WTF: I dreamed about cork last night.
I saw how it forms naturally,
and what it looks like before it is carved.
It falls from pine trees
in the shape of ginger roots.
Clearly this reflects the reality of cork.

I mean, let’s be honest here. The photo above is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. The experimentee even reminds me of Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (post Shock Shop, pre-lobotomy). Look through the whole set if you want to see some seriously weird shit. And as far as it being creepy to apply electrical stimulation to facial muscles… well yeah, it looks pretty bad, but I’ve had a TENS unit used on me during physical therapy sessions, and it doesn’t hurt– it’s actually pretty hilarious. Compared to other things people were doing to each other at that time for the sake of medical research, I think this is rather innocuous.

Now that I know something like a TENS unit can be used to stimulate facial muscles, I may have to buy one and do a whole series of photographs of my friends. That doesn’t count as human experimentation, does it? I mean… maybe I should have people sign a release first.

One of the cool things about Richard is that he doesn’t need a TENS unit to individually control his facial muscles.

I just found out their official name– they are “silver French dragées.” A company called India Tree makes them (still not recommended for eating, especially by the state of California, which concerns me since California also recommends you don’t hang Christmas lights due to the lead in the wire casing)…

But oh, just look at these:

Lianne, Lara, if you’re reading this– think of the myriad cupcake possibilities!

The above was supposed to somehow segue into a topical video of my cat doing a funny trick, but I no longer find myself interested in segueing, so you just get the cat video. (Whatever. This is the internet. Cats are always topical.)

Tricks are performed in the following order:

1. Boogie
2. Shake
3. Nom
4. Groom

FRD came up with a recipe they call “leaves and curds.”

1. Brew loose-leaf tea
2. Add cream
3. Wait for curds to float to top
4. Decide if you’re going to waste a cup of tea or just drink the damn thing

It is possible for the recipe to completely fail, if you pick a non-curdling tea. Rooibos (Aspalathus linearis) was used in the above experiment. Good luck.

Frustrated with the way things are going at work? Just make a gallery of ridiculous cocktail rings. I meant it; it really helps. This is the best (computer: day of the week?) Wednesday I’ve had in ages.

Anyone who says my blog is degenerating into bullshit gets a spanking.