Today I found myself questioning the wisdom of having such a large amount of data about myself online. I vacillate between thinking it is a wonderful thing and that there is no real harm in it, and thinking that I should be more circumspect.
I have been feeling down lately, and I think it is during these times I want to pull inward, withdraw all my feelers, and make myself invisible… Someone who has 15k photos on flickr can’t really do that. (However, should the federal government or the FBI ever need build a psychological profile on me, they will have ample pre-existing material, and I will have done them a service by being so transparent.)
During the times when I want to hide, maybe it should help me to remember all the times when I have been helped by a stranger’s willingness to “donate information to the Internet”. Usually we think of contribution in terms of technical facts or artistic techniques– but information in memoir form is also helpful. Sometimes I forget how enormously useful it has been in the past to realize that I am not alone.
In some ways, I think my willingness to be share information on the Internet is a reaction to how my parents viewed information. For example, my stepmom believed that all personal information could and would be used against her, and so she guarded it carefully. Even from me. She also snooped through my room and read all my personal diaries when I was a child. Nothing was really mine, and I was allowed no personal boundaries.
A few thoughts on how this experience affects me as an adult:
- Preemptive sharing may be a way of protecting myself from someone taking
- I really understand that information is valuable, and so when I share it, I’m making a gift
When I was in the Scientific Illustration program at the U of Washington, we learned that it’s wise to share information about the “artistic experience” when marketing our art. Non-artists like to understand what artists do. They want to know what the artist was thinking, what their life is like, where they got their inspiration. They want to know how the piece was made and what the process was like, from start to finish. Of course, not every consumer of art wants to know these things, but… I think it’s safe to say that artists of all kinds can increase the value of their work by being more open people. An artist gains much by sharing! And since we’re all artists of some kind… well, you get the picture. :)
Tiny moon, 2010
2 Comments
I struggle with this one too. I saw that one of the big flickr chicks pulled her entire stream (Clem’s wife) and that made me ask the same questions. I can’t get rid of my flickr acct, though, as it documents how Gary and I met. But I sure to understand wanting to hide. Especially when I’m feeling small and dark and alone. I just want to “cocoon” and crawl into my cave, and having my life online isn’t compatible with that.
As for sharing, I am so glad that you do. I love seeing how your mind works. You inspire me, you really do. And I don’t think you have too much stuff out there. You’re open, but no too open, if that makes sense. You keep a lot hidden as well. I think you do it in a healthy way.
Your stepmother felt that your boundaries were her personal challenge to violate. People like that expect that everyone else is the same way…so she had to keep herself hidden. She thought the whole world was just like her…evil and sneaky and manipulative.
I share myself for several reasons.
Although I don’t want to admit it, I want feedback. I want to know that I’m not alone, that someone cares, and someone will think what I say is cool. I also want to create and express. I feel that my ideas are valid and worthy of being put out there. And then there’s the thing about how my sharing will help others. Can you imagine where your life would be if information were not shared on the net? I would never have known my ex was the pig he is. I wouldn’t have known how to recover from abuse. I wouldn’t have learned about myself through 365 (by seeing others and by seeing what they share). I have learned more about humanity in the last five years on the web than I ever did before that, all combined. Without people sharing, I never would have met Gary, I wouldn’t be writing this message to you and connecting to you.
I think sharing is vital. I think it helps to shine light in the dark corners of humanity. Light is good.
Writing online is a lot of things for me. At a certain point I realized I was not alone in the ways that I felt, but that many of us felt we were and thus didn’t share because we didn’t want to be odd. I believe the things I think and feels others do as well. Every once in a while someone approaches me and lets me know they really appreciate reading my journal, and wish they could be as open as I am.
Regarding the availability of information, I’ve thought a couple of times about privacy being more about what people are allowed to do with information than having access to it. Also, there is so very much of it. It would be quite impressive if someone could find the time to read my tens of thousands of words in my journal, sort through thousands of flickr photos, dig through IRC logs and mailing list posts. Then, after all that, reconcile what? What falsehoods could they develop that they couldn’t have made up or twisted in the first place? Feels like fear to be overcome.
Maybe I’m just a dork and like Firefly quotes; can’t stop the signal.
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