I feel like talking about cigarettes right now.
I’m right in the middle of a nicotine craving. I don’t smoke that often. I’m in the “mooching” stage, where I just smoke socially and steal from friends with cigarettes in that really annoying, sad way.
I’ve quit and started again multiple times, over the years…
When I was little my mom made me promise that I would never ever start smoking. I promised her. What a silly thing to ask a child to promise!
When I’m in the “mooching” stage, I may break into the “owning” stage if I experience stress extreme enough to derail my itinerary and head me into the nearest smoke shop. It almost happened a few days ago when I was on my way downtown to meet Richard to watch the debates. But I just let my eyes bug out, and told Richard over the phone that I was on the verge of buying cigarettes, and saying it out loud broke the spell somehow.
I think I have a lot to say about cigarettes and nicotine. This is just the beginning.
Nicotine cravings are bizarre. For me, the worst is when I step outside of a coffee shop with a fresh latte, into the cool morning, breathe in the rich smell of coffee, the sweet new oxygenated morning air, and then… man, it sure would be nice to have a cigarette to go with this coffee!
So bizarre. So irritating. So shaming!
If you know anyone who’s trying to quit smoking, don’t make it worse for them by telling them how much it stinks and how gross it is. They already know what other people think. It just makes them feel bad. To lay the collective hatred of the clan of non-smokers on someone who’s already in the weird state of trying to beat an incredibly strong chemical addiction is just cruel. Keep the issues separate. You don’t like the smell. They are battling an addiction.
If you tell me how much smoking cigarettes stinks, I will tell you how much your car exhaust stinks. Really, people. It smells so bad that when I’m stuck in traffic I want to die sometimes. If you don’t drive, I’ll tell you how much your perfume or your shit or your B.O. stinks. Maybe it’s your logorrhea that smells. Humans have to deal with the noxious effluvia of other humans all the time.
Seriously though. When I realized that my struggle could be just a battle between me and the cigarettes, it felt so much easier– it didn’t have to be a battle between me and society, too. Screw society! I’m battling the drug first.
P.S. My craving is gone!
Butt, December 2005
2 Comments
I really like this post. Fuck society! Sometimes when people tell me that they think something I do is disgusting/disappointing I love them a little less. It’s true.
But smoking is still kind of gross. I’m just saying.
Hahahah totally, see, it’s all about boundaries. I am cool with the fact that you think smoking is gross, it’s just that while I am battling nicotine addiction, I don’t care. It’s about separating the issues.
And it’s not that I’m not sensitive to others’ irritations– it’s that I’m picking my battles.
On the other hand, if met someone with an infant who smoked in their own house, I would not hesitate to give them a verbal beating (and then give them copies of papers that talk about the horrible effects of second hand smoke on children).
It’s like this:
kids (awesome) >> my issues (nicotine) >> your issues (stinky)
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