Another book– I read We Disappear: A Novel
Sometimes it seemed that everything she’d recently done–all her fraudulence, the hoaxes on the mourning families and friends, and now, her capture of Otis–was shameful, monstrous, vile. And I felt equally guilty; I’d allowed it all to happen. For three cold days, as I drove from the hospital to home and back again, I searched for possible solutions and remedies. Nothing, it seemed, could lull the racket out of my head. The only relief was dreaming of worse. Sins more wicked than ours. Somewhere, in some shadowy bedroom of a leaf-strewn town, a father bolts the door to a child’s room, then steps closer to the bed. In a neighbor’s garden lurks a weed with a fumy, blade-petaled flower, its poison choking the red roses. Somewhere a car is crashing; a phone is ringing in the center of night. The spider waits poised in the slipper. The bird swoops headlong into glass it thought was farther air. The strangler envisions a neighborhood of throats. The head finds the noose; the foot kicks the chair.
Hm. When I first read that, I thought it was really cool and dramatic, but now that I’m posting the excerpt here, I’m not that impressed. The writing seems awkward and strangely worded. (What kind of sentence is, “The bird swoops headlong into glass it thought was farther air”?)
I do understand the sentiment though– when we are familiar with detestable things, we can find solace in thinking on things increasingly morose.
I guess that describes my relationship with this book. So look– I came from a seriously fucked up family: mental illness, abuse, drugs, delusions, estrangement, narcissism– it’s all in “We Disappear”, and none of it seems very surprising, probably because the subject matter is already so close to home. But I think if it were a great book, I would feel surprised. I imagine that’s what great books do– they show you the familiar in a surprising or meaningful light.
The following is a tangent: something that always bothered me when I was a Christian was how the bible tells you to dwell on virtuous and pure thoughts:
Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.
I always wanted to know why I was expected to dwell on pure and virtuous things instead of the truth of my life, which was filled with horrible things? Why would god want me ignore the horror of daily life? Where would I find the inspiration to think about virtue and purity? For a totally lost kid, it was too much to ask, and too confusing.
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