Beemouse Laboratories

A few days ago I finished reading Whitley Strieber’s latest book, “2012: The War for Souls“, which I picked up in the drug store because it just came out in trade paperback. Strieber’s the guy that wrote “Communion” back in the late 80s, the cover of which gave me alien nightmares for years. (Or maybe that was seeing Alien when I was just a few years old…?)

In any case, I’ve always had alien nightmares, and always loved a good alien story or movie, even when I have to peek through my fingers. (Seriously, I had to do that even during the mediocre Signs… man that movie scared the pee out of me.)

Anyway, I think this is Strieber’s best book; his skills are definitely improving as the years go by. The only reason I’m blogging about the book, however, is because of the fact that he writes in Ann freaking Coulter near the end. It’s hilarious. I’m not really giving anything away (except, you know, that the world is secretly ruled by the reptilian Annunaki, right?)– So check it out, Ann Coulter is really one of the reptiles. The narrator is being held prisoner in the Annunaki world by its leader, Echidna. This seriously made me laugh so hard:

“Come, Spy,” [Echnidna] said, “I want to gloat before dinner.”

As they crossed the great room, he saw Lee Raymond, Robert Mugabe, and Ann Coulter playing a game involving dice on what appeared to be a table made of emeralds, rubies, and a great, gleaming expanse of pure diamond. He recognized the game. It was senet, the Egyptian predecessor to backgammon. In the human worlds, the rules of senet had been hidden away by the seraph, but here, where they had not, players at senet gambled for souls…

“I had no idea your penetration of human society was so extensive.”

“But not of both human worlds, not as much as I hoped. This time around, we’re only getting the one, I fear.” She shot him a twinkling glance. “But we are getting it, you Union shit!”

Coulter now shifted into a sallow reptilian form with big, beady scales. Her black tongue darted behind spiked teeth made yellow from too much tobacco. Wylie realized that she was lusting after him. Mugabe, who was apparently her seraph husband, scurried behind her, trying to keep a cloak around her.

“Ann wants to bed you before we eat,” Echidna said. “It’s a particular pleasure of hers, to fuck her food.”